LK-Abitur 2006 II, Composition, Topic 1: Modern Forms of Slavery
Aufsatz meiner LK-Schülerin Esther Schmidt:
I’m A Slave 4 U
“All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.“ is the first sentence of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights which was adopted by the United Nations General Assembly on December 10, 1948. Nevertheless there are many human beings who are not free and have no dignity and no rights. Although slavery is illegal in every country of the world, it still exists.
Nowadays slavery is not that different from what it was in the past. Not only adults have to work for a pittance but also children. For example in Bangladesh child labor is the biggest illegal income. Children spend time in windowless industrial buildings with just one break a day, loading and unloading assembly lines and transport vehicles. Many goods, like clothes or MP3-Players are produced in Bangladesh and get imported to other continents.
But not only working in factories can be a form of slavery. Many seasonal workers from Eastern Europe work on plantations. At a heat of 40°C they have to bring in the harvest. In the nighttime they sleep on plantations under corrugated iron roofs without any hygienic service and under humiliating circumstances nobody can imagine.
We will never know whether the Burj Chalifa skyscraper in Dubai was built by legal workers or not. Many construction workers from India work in Dubai, just like the children in Bangladesh, for ludicrously low wages. Without any identity, because their passports were taken away by their employers, they have to work although they don’t have a working permit.
The worst form of modern slavery however is prostitution. At an age of barely sixteen years girls e.g. in Asia have walk the streets to earn money for their families. Losing their virginity is easy money and selling their body to strangers as well.
We mustn’t close our eyes to these forms of slavery and constantly remind our politicians to demand respect for the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
Durch die (SMS / Chat) Schreibweise „4 U“ (for you) in der Überschrift wird der Bezug zu „modern“ hergestellt. Die Überschrift „funktioniert“ auch wenn man die Anspielung auf Britney Spears nicht erkennt, denn dann kann man den Titel z.B. auf die Prostitution beziehen.
Gelungen ist der Rückbezug im letzten Satz auf die Erklärung der Menschenrechte in der Einleitung („rounding off“, „circle structure“).
Statt des üblichen „First …, Second …, Finally …“ finden sich „smooth transitions“ wie z.B. „But not only working in factories can be a form of slavery.“
Die Beispiele sind gut gewählt und aktuell (z.B. „the Burj Chalifa skyscraper in Dubai“). Außerdem „climactic order“: „The worst form of modern slavery however …“
Sehr guter Wortschatz: pittance, corrugated iron roofs, ludicrously low wages etc.