… ist der Titel eines phantastischen Textes meiner LK-Schülerin Evelyn Reiter. Ausgangspunkt für diese creative writing Aufgabe war ein Beitrag im SZ-Magazin (zip), in dem Photos von Gegenständen gezeigt wurden, die alle an einem Tag in der Londoner U‑Bahn liegengeblieben sind. Darunter sind herrlich bizarre Sachen wie ein Gebiss, ein Megaphon, eine Gießkanne, eine Gummischlange und ein Opernglas (engl. lorgnette). Die Schüler sollten sich nun irgendeinen Gegenstand wählen und dazu eine Geschichte schreiben. Im Laufe meiner Unterrichtstätigkeit habe ich zwar schon viele sehr gute und sogar hervorragende Geschichten bekommen, aber eine GEREIMTE Geschichte ist ein echtes Novum.
Much Ado about a Lorgnette
In a shivery and eerie night,
When people, police and panhandlers are out of sight,
I descended into the yawning subway-abyss,
As if to receive Hades’ bitter kiss.
But I wasn’t alone,
No, was not on my own.
I felt her next to my shoulder,
Trembling and shaking,
As if she got colder.
She came closer to me.
Some days ago,
My friend gave me a call
And asked me to go out with Darby.
He promised her to be nice and tall
And smart like my ex-girlfriend Abby.
But she was no beauty at all,
No queen and not even a lady.
She didn’t look slim like a Barbie-doll
And even her clothes were shabby.
But her eyes, oh her eyes,
They were nice, oh, so nice!
They were blue mixed with green,
They were shiny and keen,
Their look used to be soft
And their lashes were aiming aloft.
I spent all my money on her.
Made her scream “Oh, dear Sir!”,
When I took her to “La Traviata”,
Made her listen to Netrebkos’ cantata.
Afterwards it happened to occur,
That we went into a bar,
Where we boozed “Bloody Mary” and shared a cigar,
Until both of us were feeling bizarre.
Then we had to leave,
To my very great relief,
‘Cause my money was gone.
So we couldn’t drive home with a cab,
But entered the subway.
While I tried to save myself from a nap,
We got on a train, tired from the long day,
And nestled down on a padded seat
And stretched out our poor, tired feet.
Whilst she played with her lorgnette
We sat on this sleazy couch as one lies on his daybed.
We got thrilled by driving and rambling ahead
And I squeezed her right hand,
Allured by her nails painted blood-red.
We got hit by a scream
And as if we had slept,
We lifted our heads
And faced that scene:
An old lady was crying and cursing,
Two fat guys were giggling and gagging.
I tried to figure out for myself,
To be or not to be –
My body wanted to be knightly and brave,
But damn! My heart couldn’t agree.
Before my mind could decide,
Which side to give in,
I jumped up with a grin.
Now I felt that hell was nearby,
Now I had the desire to loosen my tie.
But there was no turning back!
Well, I decided to attack:
“Return the purse, you rascal!
Or – by my soul and by my sole – you’ll have to face a battle!”
Thereupon one pulled out his knife,
So I got to fear for my life.
When he made a few threatening steps towards me,
I thought, it would be better to flee.
I screamed: “Darby, make haste!
There is no second to waste!”
We sloped off shortly before the doors smashed shut.
While we were rushing in panic,
I heard her crying: “My lorgnette!”
It had slipped from her fingers and hit the floor,
But we had to run ahead.
Actually, she wasn’t really sad,
‘Cause both of us didn’t want to pay with our lives,
By being spiked up by two knives.
When the subway rushed away,
We were panting and gasping for breath.
I couldn’t find the right words to say,
I felt guilty for bringing her so close to death.
But dear reader, don’t worry,
You mustn’t be sorry,
Not for me, nor for Darby –
We’ve been married since February.
Our love is like a red, red rose,
Which came gently and unexpected as on tiptoes,
We’ll be together till the day we die
And even then, we’ll soar together to the sky.