Plea­se accept with no obli­ga­ti­on, impli­cit or expli­cit, my best wis­hes for an envi­ron­men­tal­ly con­scious, soci­al­ly respon­si­ble, low stress, non-addic­ti­ve, gen­der neu­tral cele­bra­ti­on of the win­ter sol­sti­ce holi­day, prac­ti­sed within the most enjoya­ble tra­di­ti­ons of the reli­gious per­sua­si­on or secu­lar prac­ti­ces of your choice, with total respect for the religious/secular per­sua­si­ons and/or tra­di­ti­ons of others, and their choice not to prac­ti­se reli­gious or secu­lar tra­di­ti­ons at all … and a fis­cal­ly suc­cessful, per­so­nal­ly ful­fil­ling and medi­cal­ly uncom­pli­ca­ted reco­gni­ti­on of the onset of the gene­ral­ly accept­ed calen­dar year 2008, but not wit­hout due respect for the calen­dars of choice of other cul­tures, and wit­hout regard to the race, creed, colour, age, phy­si­cal abili­ty, reli­gious faith, sexu­al ori­en­ta­ti­on and choice of com­pu­ter plat­form of the wishee.

By accep­ting this gree­ting, you are accep­ting the­se terms. This gree­ting is sub­ject to cla­ri­fi­ca­ti­on or with­dra­wal. It is free­ly trans­fera­ble with no altera­ti­on to the ori­gi­nal gree­ting. It impli­es no pro­mi­se by the wis­hee actual­ly to imple­ment any of the wis­hes for her/himself or others, and is void whe­re pro­hi­bi­ted by law and is revo­ca­ble at the sole dis­cre­ti­on of the wisher.

This wish is war­ran­ted to per­form as expec­ted within the usu­al appli­ca­ti­on of good tidings for a peri­od of one year, or until the issu­an­ce of a sub­se­quent holi­day gree­ting, whi­che­ver comes first, and war­ran­ty is limi­t­ed to repla­ce­ment of this wish or issu­an­ce of a new wish at the sole dis­cre­ti­on of the wisher.

(Dank an Sabi­ne Hurst)